Erma Bombeck - Quotes

Quotes

• "Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids."
• "My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
• "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
• "If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
• "Mothers-in-law who wear a black armband to the wedding are expendable."
• "The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again."
• "Ironed Sheets are a health hazard."
• "Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage."
• "Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
• "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"
• "In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV."
• "When humor goes, there goes civilization."
• "Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
• "Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."
• "The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
• "A child needs your love more when he deserves it least."
• "There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
• "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
• "If you can laugh at it, you can live with it."
• "I told you I was sick." (She requested this to be her epitaph.)