Famous quotes containing the word avon:
“Well designed, fully functional infant. Provides someone to live for as well as another mouth to feed. Produces cooing, gurgling and other adorable sounds. May cause similar behavior in nearby adults. Cries when hungry, sleepy or just because. Hand Wash with warm water and mild soap, then pat dry with soft cloth and talc. Internal mechanisms are self-cleaning... Two Genders: Male. Female. Five Colors: White. Black. Yellow. Red. Camouflage.”
—Alfred Gingold, U.S. humorist. Items From Our Catalogue, “Baby,” Avon Books (1982)
“Crotchless trouser allows wearer to show private parts in public. Neoprene-coated nylon pack cloth is stain resistant, water repellent and tickles thighs when walking. Tan-olive shade goes with most fetishes. Adjustable straps attach to belt for good fit and easy up-down. Pant is suitable for fast exposures as well as extended engagements. One size fits all.”
—Alfred Gingold, U.S. humorist. Items From Our Catalogue, “Flasher’s Pants,” Avon Books (1982)
“A favorite of outdoor alcoholics, connoisseurs and Fundamentalists, these pills turn water into wine. In 10 minutes the most fetid swamp scum in the forest can become modest red, elusive and light on first taste, yet playful—one might say a trifle impudent—on the afterbite. Saves pack space by eliminating need for bulky corkscrew, decanter and bottles. Store pills on their sides in a cool dark place.”
—Alfred Gingold, U.S. humorist. Items From Our Catalogue, “Wine Pills,” Avon Books (1982)