Zarniwoop Vann Harl - Paul Neil Milne Johnstone

Paul Neil Milne Johnstone

Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, Essex, was the writer, according to Adams, of the worst poetry in the universe. He appeared under that name in the original radio series and the first printings of the 1979 novelization (Pan Books, paperback, page 53).

The real Johnstone (1952–2004) had attended Brentwood School with Adams, and the two jointly received a prize for English. There Johnstone edited Broadsheet, "the Artsphere Magazine" that included mock reviews by Adams as well as Johnstone's own poetry. Johnstone won an exhibition to study at the University of Cambridge (as did Adams).

Johnstone went on to achieve moderate prominence in the poetry world as an editor and festival organiser, including the 1977 Cambridge Poetry Festival.

After he complained about the use of his name, he was replaced with "Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex" (a garbled form of his name). In the film version she has moved from Greenbridge, Essex to Sussex. In the TV adaptation of the series, a portrait of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings was Adams in drag.

A sample of Johnstone's poetry, taken from the animated readout in the TV series, is:

The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.

They lay. They rotted. They turned

Around occasionally.

Bits of flesh dropped off them from

Time to time.

And sank into the pool's mire.

They also smelt a great deal.

In the TV series, she is reported as living at: 37 Wasp Villas, Greenbridge, Essex, GB10 1LL.