Will Rogers - Quotes and One-liners

Quotes and One-liners

• One of Will Rogers' most famous lines, "I have never yet met a man that I dident like," was part of a longer quotation and in its original form was in reference to Leon Trotsky:
  "I bet you if I had met him and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I dident like. When you meet people, no matter what opinion you might have formed about them beforehand, why, after you meet them and see their angle and their personality, why, you can see a lot of good in all of them. Note that "dident" was a spelling choice that Rogers used repeatedly.

• "The average citizen knows only too well that it makes no difference to him which side wins. He realizes that the Republican elephant and the Democratic donkey have come to resemble each other so closely that it is practically impossible to tell them apart; both of them make the same braying noise, and neither of them ever says anything. The only perceptible difference is that the elephant is somewhat the larger of the two.

• "Every guy just looks in his own pocket and then votes. And the funny part of it is that it's the last year of an administration that counts. can have three bad ones and then wind up with everybody having money in the fourth, and the incumbent will win so far he needn't even stay up to hear the returns. Conditions win elections, not speeches.

• "I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is, if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher might as well recite "Gunga Din".

• "Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

• "Mother's Day, it's beautiful thought, but it's somebody's hurtin' conscience that thought of the idea. It was someone who had neglected their mother for years, and then they figured out: I got to do something about Momma. And knowing Momma was that easy, they figured, "we'll give her a day, and it will be all right with Momma." Give her a day, and then in return Momma gives you the other 364. See?

• "One sure certainty about our Memorial Days is that as fast as the ranks from one war thin out, the ranks from another take their place. Prominent men may run out of Decoration Day speeches, but the world never runs out of wars. People talk peace, but men give up their life's work to war.

• "Thanksgiving Day! In the days of our founders, they were willing to give thanks for mighty little, for mighty little was all they expected. ... Those old boys in the Fall of the year, if they could gather a few pumpkins, potatoes and some corn for the Winter, they was in a thanking mood. But if we can't gather in a new car, a new radio, a new tuxedo and some Government relief, we feel like the world is agin' us.

• "Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

• "A fool and his money are soon elected."

• "Americans will feed anyone that's not close to them."

• "Our foreign policy is an open book—a checkbook."

• "I belong to no organized party, I'm a Democrat."

• "Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than puttin' it back in."

• "People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing."

• "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

• "The income tax has made more liars out of Americans than golf."

• "If stupidity got us in this mess, why can't it get us out?"

• "Everybody says this here thing we're involved in ain't a real war. Congress says it ain't a war. The President says it ain't a war. 'Course the guys over here getting shot at say it's the best damned imitation they ever saw."

• "A senator got up today in Congress and called his fellow senators sons of wild jackasses. Now, if you think the senators were hot, imagine how the jackasses must feel."

• "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

• 'The only problem with Boy Scouts is, there aren't enough of them."

• "There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to touch an electric fence."