Shiva (Judaism) - Shiva Customs

Shiva Customs

Traditionally, the first meal after the funeral, the seudat havra'ah (Hebrew: סעודת הבראה ; "meal of comforting"), is supplied by neighbors and friends. The mourners do not bathe or shower for pleasure, they do not wear leather shoes or jewelry, men do not shave, and in many communities household mirrors are covered. The prohibition of bathing includes bathing or showering the whole body, or using hot water. It is permitted to wash separately various parts of the body in cool water. Marital relations and Torah study are not permitted. (It is permitted to study the laws of mourning, as well as that material which may be studied on Tisha B'Av, including Job, Lamentations, portions of Jeremiah and the third chapter of Talmud tractate Moed Katan.) No public mourning may occur on Shabbat, nor may the burial take place on Shabbat; "private" mourning restrictions continue during the Shabbat. It is customary for the mourners to sit on low stools, or even the floor, symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief. Typically, mourners do not return to work until the end of the week of mourning.

Many communities have an arrangement where members of the chevra kadisha (local Jewish burial society) organise the meals for the mourners, and serve refreshments for visitors. If prayer services are organized in the house of mourning, it is customary for an adult mourner to lead the prayers.