Quaker Wedding - The Marriage Procedure

The Marriage Procedure

A traditional wedding ceremony in a Friends meeting is similar to any other Meeting for Worship, and therefore often very different from the experience expected by non-Friends. The attendees gather for silent worship, often with the couple sitting in front of the meeting (this may depend on the layout of the particular Friends meeting house).

Out of the silence, the couple will exchange what the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting describes as "promises", and Britain Yearly Meeting describes as "declarations" with each other. The promises are short, simple, and egalitarian, and can vary between different regions and meetings. Traditionally, Quakers do not swear or make oaths, because they intend to tell the truth at all times, and thus have no need of swearing.

Since traditionally Friends have no clergy, there is no one person to “marry” them. Instead they believe that they are married by God, and declare their intentions before God and those gathered. They believe that the marriage is merely "witnessed" by those present. George Fox, a man important in the establishment of the Religious Society of Friends wrote in 1669:

"For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests' or the magistrates'; for it is God's ordinance and not man's; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses"

The administrative tasks associated with the marriage are completed by a Registering Officer, who is a person specially appointed by the Monthly Meeting in which the couple are to be married. However, this person is purely responsible for the administration of matters such as the certificate, and does not "marry" the couple.

Usually, there are no bridesmaids or other special roles in the wedding other than that of bride and groom.

The couple then signs the Quaker wedding certificate. All those present are invited to give ministry with the gathered meeting as they feel led (as in any other Meeting for Worship, see main article on the Society of Friends). At the close of worship all those present at the meeting are asked to sign the wedding certificate as witnesses. Often the certificate is hung prominently in the home of the couple as a reminder of the declarations they made, and of the people with whom they shared that moment of their lives.