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    The attempt to be an ideal parent, that is, to behave correctly toward the child, to raise her correctly, not to give to little or too much, is in essence an attempt to be the ideal child—well behaved and dutiful—of one’s own parents. But as a result of these efforts the needs of the child go unnoticed. I cannot listen to my child with empathy if I am inwardly preoccupied with being a good mother; I cannot be open to what she is telling me.
    Alice Miller (20th century)

    When you listen to gongs and drums, listen to the music; when you listen to someone talk, listen to his tone of voice.
    Chinese proverb.

    So, laying his cheek against the dresser’s wooden one,
    He died making up stories, the ones
    Not every child wanted to listen to.
    John Ashbery (b. 1927)