Barney Fife - Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

• "Nip it in the bud!"
• "Heartaches! Nothing but heartaches!"
• "Nip it! Nip it! Nip it!"
• "You're not talking to a jerk, you know!"
• "Rule Number One: Obey ALL rules!!"
• (Referring to Ernest T. Bass) "He's a nut!"
• "There are two kinds of cops. The quick and the dead."
• (After being seen performing an unusual action) "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a man (performed action) before?"
• "You know what they say about a man that puts off getting married? They say he starts getting irritable, yep. That's what they say."
• "Now, men, I have just one thing to say. This isn't gonna be kid's stuff, and you'll be on your own, and there will be no mollycoddling."
• "That badge means something! Don't disgrace it!"
• "It is definitely no fun when that iron door clangs shut on you." (This is from an instance where Barney teaches Opie and his friends about the law.)
• "The kindness of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven."
• "Floyd, if you would keep your mind outta Washington and stick to your barbering, I might get a better haircut. Now, what did you do with my sideburns?"
• (Paying Floyd) "Here, go buy a barber book!"
• "Hablae usted espanoly?"
• "Here at 'the Rock,' we have two rules. Memorize them so you can say them in your sleep. Rule Number One: Obey all rules! Rule Number 2: No writing....on the walls...as it takes a lot of work...to erase writing...off of walls."
• "All right, all right, all right! Of course you smell gas. What do you think this car runs on, coal?"
• (Referring to Floyd) "See what I mean? He's blind as an owl!"
• "You're real funny, you know that? We ought to book you on one of those excursion lines." (There are various versions of this theme, after Andy has gently poked fun at Barney).
• "I had my eye on you right from the start, mister!" (spoken by Barney whenever Andy exposed a con artist whom Barney up to that moment had naively trusted)
• "Guess! Come on guess!
• "Tick a lock!"
• "This is BIG! BIG! BIG BIG! Really Big!"
• "Alright, SHAKEDOWN!"
• "when you see a weasel's tracks, lock up your hens" (used to convey suspicion)
• "If a chicken hawk is hanging around, a wise rooster doesn't bury his head...he keeps his eye on the chicken" (advice to Andy when another man is in pursuit of his girl)
• "If you flew a quail through this room, every woman in it'd point." (referencing a room full of ugly girls)
• "Beats all Andy, just beats all"
• "I'm sorry about this, but us lawmen can't take chances!" --Barney (as he frisks an Older Woman at a roadblock, searching for escaped convicts) "But Barney! I'm your mother!" -- Older Woman (Season 1, Episode 2, Approx. 15 minutes and 30 seconds into the episode)
• "She's a DOG!!" (Describing Thelma Lou's cousin, Mary Grace)
• "You beat everything, you know that?" (Used by Barney and Andy, when frustrated with the other)